🍂 A personal note about November

Last night was an interesting night for me.

 

First, as you may know it was Halloween night here in the US.

 

Usually, Robert and I dress up, take silly pictures and spend hours walking up and down the stairs handing out candy to adorable miniature tigers, spidermen, teddy bears, ghosts, and super-heros!

 

They  walk all the way up our long driveway, up the porch steps and wait patiently as we open the door with a smile and a big bowl of candy. They yell: "TRICK OR TREAT!"

 

I love seeing the dressed up kiddos. I love seeing which characters inspire kids these days.

 

Costumes are different every year and very different from the hard plastic masks and printed plastic ponchos we wore in the 1980's! Remember that?! If you're not of that time, they stayed on our faces with a thin, uncomfortable elastic strap! The poncho-like costume had whoever we were dressed up as on the front and it smelled like a new super-cheap shower curtain. It was like a plastic-bag outfit LOL.

 

Anyway... the kids love to see us dressed up as vampires, or whatever we come up with that year. Robert makes a very good Dracula and that has been their favorite to date! The kids call us "The Dracula house!" Even though we've also been a huntress and a huntsman, a witch and a super-hero... they love Dracula. So you can imagine we felt sad not to be there for them this year! It's such fun experience!

 

Halloween night fell on a Tuesday so, we were working in another city until 9:00 p.m.

 

We didn't have any costumes on this year and made it home just in time to greet 3 tricker treaters. (We usually get to see over 200!)

 

We called it a night and went to bed.

 

But my brain didn't shut off right away like it usually does.

 

This night was different.

 

My thoughts were active and loud. They were deep and profound.

 

And they ran through everything, between reminding me to feel the sadness and physical emotions in my body to running through my entire life memories as flashbacks.

 

But two consistent thoughts kept me occupied for hours last night, and I hardly slept.

 

 

As the flashbacks from my life continued. My mind ran through every situation I regretted, felt ill about, or had any kind of remaining "sting" from as far back as I could remember.

 

I felt the emotion, the energy that still resided with the memory, and sat with it and felt it as fully as I could.

 

And I exercised....

 

Full acceptance of myself. That I couldn't have done things differently, or I would have.

 

I forgave myself for not knowing what I didn't know at the time, for all those times, situations, experiences, moments, and events.

 

Total and full acceptance. A deep understanding of and compassion for, myself. Me. Lora. The personality that didn't know any better.

 

A forgiveness that I thought I had done already. And another layer of setting myself free, that I didn't expect.

 

A gratitude for the perfection of timing and wisdom for this deeper healing. After all, November has been the beginning of a new year, and a new life for me since November 2015 when my spiritual awakening started. For me, every November is like a new birthing of myself into a new world yet to be discovered as I step into each moment in awe, excitement, openness, and the allowance of curiosity and discovery of what lays before me.

 

Every November, for me, is the beginning of a new and exciting life yet to be explored.

 

 

So this present-tense me, the one who rose up through the ashes like the phoenix.... went back into the illusion of time itself.

 

And visited the broken me. The ashamed me. The traumatized me. The hurt, the injured, the suicidal and the fearful me.

 

I saw myself in every one of those situations, and stood by myself as I made those decisions.

 

I stood behind myself in full support of the choices of my past.

 

And I comforted myself when I was at my lowest moments. I gave myself compassion. And love.

I hugged myself through the moments I sat feeling lonely, lost, fearful, shattered, deserted and abandoned.

 

I held my hand and sent myself care, love and understanding when I know I needed it the most.

I told this past me in every instance, that I would prevail beyond this despair and into a powerful being who would in turn shine an enormous amount of light onto the world.

 

That these dark ashes I sit in will re-build me into a winged, free, expanding heart-centered catalyst for humanity.

 

A powerful creator.

 

A loving ambassador of and for the universe.

 

A human being who has stepped into my greatest chapters yet. Because my spirit has learned to heal and shine through the unthinkable... the most traumatic and challenging experiences of my life so far.

 

Somehow, life uses these lowest lows to uplift us to the highest highs. And the only way through it is through it.

 

We are all human. And we are all spiritual beings on this same adventure called life.

 

Give yourself credit for all you've experienced, all you've been through, forgive yourself, and take time to sit next to yourself in those past moments where you needed YOU, the most. You are transforming, too. You are stepping into this great version of the phoenix. You are more powerful than you know. But soon, you will.

 

This is not so much about halloween, but perhaps a symbol for the changing of the costume we're used to wearing. I am no longer wearing the costume of the wandering seeker. I stepped into a new set of wings and the exponential amount of power which shines from my heart-center. It's this same power that allows me to fly and shine.

 

Perhaps November 1st is the symbol for the new leaf November lays before us. A season of change for a new life, a new transformation, and a new journey to discover deeply, internally and together.

A beautiful new chapter into the great unknown we call life and living.

Sending hugs and love,

 

Happy November.

 

Lora